Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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