at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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