i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
