my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YAS. BRING CRAB.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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