soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
