My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
