Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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