Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
