"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
