At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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