Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
