oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
