I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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