the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
