dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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