my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
