I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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