I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
