final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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