My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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