If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
