did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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