end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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