she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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