legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
