I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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