So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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