I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
