Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
