FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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