Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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