i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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