my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
