i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
