Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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