Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What a dumb baby whore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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