He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
