dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
