what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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