I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have started to decorate penises.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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