I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
