just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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