Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
