He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
