well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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