So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize