maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
