I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
