someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
