I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
