new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
