O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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