How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
