he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
