should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize