btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
