buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
