I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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