WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
