everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
