Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to stop coming to work sober
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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