I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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