at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
