me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize