Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
