why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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