Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
