just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
