i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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