it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize