I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
