Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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