So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
