she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
