so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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