She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
