u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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