remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
