The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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