i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
