First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
