If i come over, it means nothing
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
