I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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