i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Pooping to opera.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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