Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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