At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
