My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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