She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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